Bad post. Bad.

I want to be an adult. I really do. I have tried really really hard. Sometimes I succeed.

I have addictions to childish things. I love several shows like Hannah Montana, Spongebob, and Icarly. I like to draw pictures that resemble what a 2 year old would draw. I like to color and no I don't always stay in the lines. I can't cook anything unless it comes in a box (especially frozen things). I didn't learn how to do laundry or dishes until I got married. At first it was fun; like playing house but of course that didn't last long. Now I loathe that crap. Because of my ADD, I have at least 5 things always going on at once. The computer can hold my attention the longest because there are so many different things to do on it. I can be writing and then switch to surfing the net then play on facebook then play a game and then (when I lose interest partially in the game) I can start all over. Unfortunately, the computer can cause me to waste entire days at a time. I'll be doing all the things listed above and then The Boi calls and the conversation goes as follows:

Boi: *Cheerfully* Hey, I'm on my way home.

Me: *distracted* Oh, ok. How was your day?

Boi: alskdjfoeifaslkjgjakgslkgjgljk (I have no idea cause I"m still playing on the internet)

Me: I'm glad you had a good day.

Boi: What are you doing (cause he knows at this point I paid no attention to what he was talking about because he just told me how he had to fire someone and got a speeding ticket and his computer crashed)?

Me: Playing balance the worm on a cactus... (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/535163)

Boi: Oh. *long pause*

Me: I thawed out some chicken for dinner, but I don't want to cook it.

Boi: Oh...well...um...you want to just make a frozen pizza?

Me: (I've put down my laptop in order to try to pay attention to Boi) If you don't mind that would be great. I know we've had frozen pizza 3 out of 4 days so far this week; are you sure that's okay?

Boi: *sounding glum* Sure it's fine.

Me: *pause*(meanwhile I've now sat down at the piano and want to play. I can't play while on the phone so I just sit there staring at it. I'm trying to come up with a good excuse to get off the phone because I know that, if I can just play the piano right this minute, I will create an epic song that will make me famous and everyone will love me. Does Boi not want me to succeed in having a brilliant career in music? Why won't he volunteer to hang up yet?)

Boi: Are you still there?
Me: *distracted* Yeah

Boi: What have you done today?

Me: (I can't lie to Boi. It's not physically possible. And if the lie somehow makes it past my lips, I always tell the truth less than 30 seconds later)(I really hate this question because it makes me feel like a total failure)...*sigh* I got up at 2pm.

Boi: Wow that's late...........so what did you do?

Me: ...um...nothing?

Boi: Really? Nothing? Surely you did something today?

Me: Well, I wrote some of my book. (I've been writing my book forever. It has about 20 different beginnings and they're all about different things and are saved separately. So I guess it's more like bookS.) And did research for it on the internet (no need to let him know that 2 seconds into my research, I got distracted by facebook which led to my downfall and allowed me to get nothing else done today).

Boi: Oh yeah? Did you get a lot done?

Me: Uh...*still distracted by the piano* Yup. Okay I'll go get started on dinner (do you remember what dinner is? That's right: frozen pizza. I know this is a flimsy excuse to get off the phone but Boi loves me and never questions). Love you Bye.

Boi: Love you too Gurl. Bye.

This same conversation happens almost daily. Now that I've written it all down, it sounds really pathetic. And I've forgotten what my point was anyway. And I'm too lazy to go back and reread this to find out where I was going with it. Oh well.
I read the conversation to The Boi to make sure it was fairly accurate. He said (glumly) that yes it is accurate. I asked what was wrong? He said that he never realized that I don't always pay attention to him. Now I feel bad.

This post is stupid. Sorry. I promise tomorrow's will be better.

I decided to post some pictures I took the other night for you. This is the 1st stage in my dish washing process. Stage one takes roughly 15 seconds or less.

Bathroom Art

I like to listen to music while I write. Just wanted to let you guys know that from now on at the bottom of my posts, I will have a track list of all the things I listened to while I wrote the post. That way you guys can know my strange and weird music tastes as well as what sounds inspire me to write.


Everytime I take a shower, I'm convinced that I'm gonna come out bald. The few strands that come out as I wash my hair seem to multiply until I'm sure that there isn't a single strand left.
I told The Boi this, and he just laughed at me. So to prove how much hair I lose, I started placing them on the wall of the shower. Then, when my shower was over, I would run excitedly to The Boi and make him come look at my hair montage. Admittedly he was impressed with the amount of hair I lose on a regular basis.
Unfortunately for The Boi, now I'm addicted to collecting my hair on the shower wall. At first, he would throw it in the bathroom trashcan for me after a few days. Now there is no bathroom trash can. Why you ask? Well, Ed has a really bad habit of eating his food bowls. So the bathroom trashcans are the latest food dishes for Ed.
Eventually (after a week or so) I do take my collages down and throw them away. But in the mean time, I use the single strands of hair to make masterful works of art on my shower walls. I drew you a pretty picture of this:

I think it freaks The Boi out a little bit, but he's the one that started it. Okay that's really a lie. I've been doing this since I was little. My mom used to get all huffy about it too. No one appreciates my hard-worked-on artwork.

Track List:
Fly Me Away - Annie Little
Stole My Heart - Little and Ashley
Butterfly Fly Away - Myley and Billy Ray Cyrus
Fireflies - Owl City
Pan's Labyrinth Lullaby - Javier Navarrete
Tree Hugger - Antsy Pants/Kimya Dawson
Lucky - Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat
Lullaby - Dixie Chicks
Music Box (from Candyman) - Philip Glass

The Mailbox Game

I'm not sure how this game came into existence. I don't remember, but it really doesn't matter. When I go to the mailbox, I can't let anyone see me. If I'm seen, I fail. Sounds easy, right? But it's not. Because (in my mind) the world has been taken over. By who you ask? It doesn't matter. Aliens, another country, who knows. What does matter is that, since the world has been taken over, there are things that enforce the law. You aren't allowed out of your house; that's the law. These invaders have special ways of detecting you. Like if your heart speeds up. Or if you run. So don't do those things, okay? What happens if you get caught? I don't know!!! Cause I rock at this game and have never been spotted.

If you hear a vehicle, you should walk quickly (again making sure not to let your heart speed up). Try to stay under cover (trees, building overhangs, etc) so they can't see you from the sky.

You can play this game anytime you're outside: going to the mailbox, bringing in groceries, etc.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: The front door also needs to be shut (I have a storm door so leaving the door open is a possibility). Because if it's not, somehow they will know that you were outside. And even though an open door isn't proof, they will still punish you.

I apologize now for this post. Rereading it, it’s all a jumble of confusion. I tried to go back and rewrite it so it had more structure and made more sense, but I couldn’t do it. I’m a failure. Sorry. I’m still working on the ‘rules for surviving the apocalypse’ post. I promise.

A post thats research has resulted in my fear of the great mole rat.

When I decide to write, I often will peruse the internet for inspiration. Today I was found a website dedicated to phobias. I also like to make lists. So I made a list of phobias that left me with questions or were just plain funny:

Pantophobia – the fear of everything. How would a person live with this? Would they have to live in a medically induced coma?
Agateophobia - fear of insanity. Would you be so afraid of insanity that you’d go insane?
Ambulophobia - Fear of walking. Does this person crawl everywhere? Or sprint?
Astraphobia/Astrapophobia/Ceraunophobia/Keraunophobia - Fear of thunder and lightning. Why don’t they have words for the opposite of these fears? Because I personally adore thunder and lightning. So I’m going to make up a brand new word: Astralovia – the act of adoring thunder and lightning.
Bibliophobia - Fear of books. WHAT!? Who the crap has this? I know that the written word is powerful but, come on, this is just sad!
Cherophobia - Fear of gaiety. These people don’t want to be happy and festive? Why?
Cholerophobia - Fear of anger or the fear of cholera. I’m confused. What if I’m afraid of cholera but not anger?
Consecotaleophobia - Fear of chopsticks. Did they really invent a word for this? How many people have had it? This leads me to wonder how many have to have a fear before that fear deserves a name.
Homilophobia - Fear of sermons. I just thought this one was funny.
Ithyphallophobia - Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis. WHAT!? ROFL Maybe this is what happens after men have an adverse reaction to Viagra.
Oneirogmophobia - Fear of wet dreams. Wait I’m confused. I thought those would be considered happy dreams. 

I decided to make a separate list of all my personal fears:

Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection.
Arachnephobia/Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders.
Acrophobia - Fear of heights.
Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car.
Atychiphobia - Fear of failure.
Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces.
Lachanophobia - Fear of vegetables. I’m hoping this means fear of eating them.
Paraskavedekatriaphobia- Fear of Friday the 13th.

I also made a list of things that I’m afraid of but no one would believe:

Athazagoraphobia - Fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting.
Atomosophobia - Fear of atomic explosions. Who doesn’t have this fear?
Barophobia - Fear of gravity. What happens if it stops working one day!?
Bogyphobia - Fear of bogeys or the bogeyman. I have at least one future blogs written about this.
Decidophobia - Fear of making decisions. I would much rather someone else make the decisions.
Gephyrophobia or Gephydrophobia or Gephysrophobia - Fear of crossing bridges.
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia - Fear of responsibility.
Ichthyophobia - Fear of fish. One bit me. I promise a future post on that.
Kynophobia - Fear of rabies. That shit’s scary. I’ve seen The Crazies.
Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking.
Meningitophobia - Fear of brain disease. I’m sure that’s what’s wrong with me.

Then I made a list of things I think (please note this is my evaluation and not in any way based on fact) people in my family (I’m not naming names…) are afraid of:

Aerophobia - Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airborne noxious substances. (mom)
Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched. (Haphephobia) (sister)
Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc.(mom-in-law)
Dentophobia - Fear of dentists. (Boi)
Toxiphobia or Toxophobia or Toxicophobia- Fear of poison or of being accidentally poisoned. (some family members should be)
Phalacrophobia - Fear of becoming bald. (I think dad was…oops too late now!)
Social Phobia - Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations. (brother)
Trypanophobia - Fear of injections. (Boi)

List of fears I have that have no name:
Fear of returning phone calls.
Fear of listening to voicemails.
Fear of unannounced visitors.
Fear of Boi on an irregular basis.
Fear of being molested by an animal.
Fear of my car falling apart while driving or riding in it.
Fear of used kitty litter.

While reading this list of phobias, I developed a new fear:Picture found at: http://bestiarumvocabulum.wordpress.com/2009/03/03/naked-mole-rats/

Zemmiphobia - Fear of the great mole rat.

After making all of these lists, I have now become paranoid that someone out there will read this and now know all of my fears and will come and abduct me and use all of them against me. I wonder if they make a word for that fear?

Ed

Before you read my post, please read:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/07/dog.html

I showed that post to Boi. He thought that it would be cool to try this for our dog, Ed. We figured we would see if Ed could find a treat in a cup and also see if he could escape a blanket thrown over him.

First, Boi told Ed to sit. Ed is a fantastically good dog and immediately did as he was told. Boi showed Ed one of his favorite treats. He let Ed smell it and watch as he put it under a plastic cup then backed up to watch what happened. I was standing at the other end of the room.  It took about 30 seconds for him to lift up the cup and grab the treat.
We were incredibly proud.

So then we quickly threw a comfortor over him to see if he would be able to get out from under the blanket. He stood still for a moment and then started walking. The blanket dragged off a bit to show just his head. Boi rethrew the blanket over him to try again.

The comfortor is losing stuffing as you can see. Also, that black blur is one of our cats Kuzco.

Again, Ed stood still for a moment and then started walking. After a few circles (still under the blanket), he paused, dropped something, backed up a few feet, and sat.

Ed had dropped his treat and backed away as though offering it up as a sacrifice. Apparently Ed thinks that the only way out from under a blanket is by offering a tribute to his humans.

I don't know if that makes him more smart or more stupid. He started to walk around again (Boi and I were rolling on the floor laughing too hard to help him) until his head popped out. He never did get completely out from under the blanket by himself.

I know that this isn't the 'surviving the apocalypse rules' post that I promised on facebook but I promise that one is coming in the future. I just got a Bamboo pen and tablet so that I can draw pictures to go with my posts. I definately want to illustrate the 'apocalypse rules' post so it may be a few days while I figure out how to use the Bamboo...