Friday, September 9, 2011

Far too long

Sorry all for how long it's been since I last posted!

A lot has been going on in my life...most all of it depressing. I haven't had a lot (or any really) of happy things to post about recently and, rather than bring y'all down, I've kind of taken a small hiatus from my blog.

But tonight I'm intoxicated which always somehow makes me want to write.

I have a new(ish) job. I pretty much baby sit an 88 year old lady. She has Alzheimer's...and tonight I've decided that if I ever get Alzheimer's, please just put me out of my misery. I don't want to be old and cranky and take my angst out on my caregiver(s).

Two of my more happier moments this summer are below:

I have a new beautiful niece named Momoka Rose.

She was born 8-22-2011 weighing in at 7.2 pounds and was 21&1/2 inches long.

And my sister-in-law Betsy got married on 8-19-2011 to her man Ben:

Later (this week or next) I promise to write about Aug 13, 2011 when Mike and I went camping for our anniversary this year....

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

3rd Annual Tribe Beach Trip

Dear Readers (especially Dixon),

I haven't forgotten about you. I promise to write a real post soon. Just keep in mind that I'm a crazy slacker. I try, I really do. I disappoint myself. Okay not really but I should be disappointed in myself.

I'm getting off subject. I'm trying to clean my house. I have some new friends that haven't seen it, and I don't really want them to see it like it is now. And they are coming to dinner one day this week. The best part? Dinner night is a surprise. So I need the house clean ASAP. It could even be tonight that they come. So to procrastinate the cleaning, I decided to write a post.

I thought, ooooh, I'll write a post about vacation. But I don't want to upload the pictures. Thinking of the pictures makes me think of what a slacker I was at taking vacation pictures. Pretty much all of them are the second half of the week, and they aren't even very good.

What? You want to see them? Grrrr. Fine. I'm working on uploading them while I write the rest of this post. I just started the loading and remembered that I never uploaded the pictures I took at James and Tiffany's wedding. So the name of the folder is '3rd Annual Tribe Beach Trip plus James and Tiffs Wedding'. *shakesheadatself*

The vast majority of the pictures (about 200 actually) are pictures I took of myself. The most distressing part is that I hadn't even been drinking [yet] that day.

So okay, I'm going to provide y'all with captions to the pictures and that's gonna be the rest of the post.

So the first few pictures can all be lumped together. Remember that 200ish pictures I was talking about? Yeah, these are just a few:

Thank you guys for still loving me.

Drum roll please. I would next like to introduce you to the first OFFICIAL new Tribe member. We finally broke down and made an induction process, and Carolyn is the first to go through it. I don't think she was too horribly scarred by it.

Carolyn is Randy's sister.

Minor side note: see the package on the coffee table? Yes that's baby food (dried apples). I love them and no one would stop making fun of me over it.

She is without a doubt one of the coolest girls I know. Welcome to the Tribe Carolyn :-)

I thought it would be a good idea to try to take a decent picture of Boi and I together. We have almost no pictures of us together. It's like the two of us together makes the world shudder. Seriously. We tried having professional pictures done once; they got exposed to light on the truck on the way to be developed. It's just never meant to be. And I thought I could change fate.

Actually this last one is a pretty decent picture, if I do say so myself. Please note that I only posted a minuscule amount of the pictures I took of the two of us.

On to poker!

They kept making fun of me because (this was our last night in Myrtle Beach) we were out of plastic forks so I was eating my leftovers with a plastic knife. Stab. Stab. Stab!

In the last picture (Game Two), please not my chips vs everyone else's (I'd already taken all of Randy's chips). If I had any patience at all, I could have won all 3 games played last week. As it stands: Game One I came in 2nd to Randy, Game Two I came in 2nd to Carolyn, and Game Three I was the first out (Sorry, can't share that story. Some things are for the Tribe only).

I have more pictures and many more stories, just be patient with me!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My World

You all know my world is....different. I live in my own strange creation. If I could only convey the stories that go on in my head for y'all, but alas there are not always words to describe what I think about.

The following is a dramatization and not any one actual event.

Occasionally Boi comes home to something like this:

Especially this week since my family moved out. Poor Boi.

And then I try to suck him into my world.

It all goes a bit blurry at first....

And then I pull Boi in through a vortex of crazy delusional words and gestures.

Suddenly, he finds himself in a beautiful place. A place full of lovely rainbows, sunshine, random mythical creatures, butterflies, and other happy things.

This is a place of bliss. Where there are fairies and elves and mermaids. There's singing and dancing and laughter.

But then....


Before he can do anything...

Boi finds himself being dragged....

To the other side of my imaginary world.

My evil side. Which isn't really that scary (again this is a dramatization). Well, maybe y'all would think of it as terrifying beyond all reason. But I keep it all in. I'm not a serial killer. Really.

This is the place no one seems to understand me. The place where I think (key word THINK) how nifty it would be to cut open someones *coughRandycough* veins just to watch them bleed for a bit. Oh don't worry; in my fantasy I also can suture him back up. Or at the very least super glue it closed. I really don't understand why this disturbed someone *coughRandycough* so much. It's not like I'd really do it.

Poor Boi.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Welcome to my Cul-de-sac

This post is dedicated to Tribal Elder Randy.

This is me on my tricycle.

I ride it around in the mental cul-de-sac that my friends keep me in.

They put me there every time I say or do something confusing/illogical/dumb. I stay there A LOT.

A couple of things I did today (already) qualify to put me in the cul-de-sac.

Thing #1:

I despise clothes. They are possibly my arch nemesis (right after spiders). So the past few months with mom living here have forced me to be tactfully clothed all the time. Not my forte.
So yesterday was our first full day without people living with us. Of course I spent the day in my birthday suit. It would have been awesome, except that I've been keeping the house colder for my clothed status. So last night I decided to make the house warmer. In my sleep deprived state, I pushed the temperature gage down.
I woke up this morning freezing.

Thing #2:

This weekend a few mosquitoes decided to make camp in my house. Remember how much they love me? If not, please see my post Playing outside is hazardous to my health.
There were 3 mosquitoes killed (there could be more hanging around that I've missed), and I have 11+ bites. I've been scratching them like a woman possessed (I know, I know, don't do that).
This morning I got the bright idea to put Lidocaine Ointment (numbing agent) on the bites when I got out of the shower (the heat had aggravated me to a scratching frenzy). Couple of pictures of just my right foot bites:

My brilliant move came right after I applied the ointment. I started eating my breakfast without washing my hands. Next thing I know Numb Tongue.


Friday, May 20, 2011

Toilet Paper

So my mom signed a lease yesterday. YAY :)

I went over to her place yesterday evening to check the place out and take some stuff over there.  While I was helping her unload the car, I came across some toilet paper she had bought.

Pause. We have to back up a little bit here. Growing up, my mom bought the cheapest, thinnest, most worthless toilet paper ever. I hated it. It took 1/3 of the roll just to get it thick enough get the picture.

Edited for bad language.

I resolved that one day, when I was a grown up with money, I would always buy the best toilet paper. No matter how bad things go monetary wise for me, I was (and am) determined to stick to my guns on my toilet paper preference (so far so good).

My favorite toilet paper is Charmin Ultra Soft. I will not use anything else.

Fast forward a little bit to when mom moved in with Boi and I this year. Our home has two full bathrooms. I keep both reasonably stocked with TP. I told mom that I realized more TP was going to go through her bathroom (it's in the best location) so to please just let me know when the toilet paper was running low.

No such luck. I love my mom. I really do. But I sat down one day, and I'm not kidding you, there was a roll of that crap TP I grew up with on my TP-dispenser-rolly-thing. I sat there with my eye twitching until I recovered enough to try to search (from my stranded position) in vain for more of my TP under the sink. No such luck. I had to use her *shudder* roll.

I sat mom down and had a very serious conversation with her. I explained how important my toilet paper is to me (reading this I sound like a complete crazy person). There were no more TP incidents after that.

Fast forward again, this time back to where this post started.

I looked at the TP.

I looked at my mom.


And (very seriously) told my mom that I will let her take a few rolls of my good TP so she can titrate herself back to the crap stuff she used to be on. I explained that her regimen was to be as follows:

First week: Alternate each TP brand with each bathroom visit with (keeping both rolls readily available close by).

Second week: Alternate each TP brand as the rolls are finished.

Third week: Only use Charmin every 3rd roll.

Four week and beyond: Use crap TP.
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shelookslikeahaddock blog by Beth Evans is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.