Ladies and Gentlemen I'm back. Kind of.

Hello dear readers who are so sweet to have not abandoned me. I'm back. Kind of. I'm doing my best. Really.

I try to keep my blog light hearted and funny so I haven't written lately. Why? Well duh. Because I haven't felt all light hearted and funny. Or even happy for that matter. I've been all:

And you didn't really want to read about that, did you? In a nut shell, The Boi lost his job. There it is. I've said it. Very few people knew that stupid sad little fact and now I'm putting it out there for the whole world to read. It wouldn't be so bad if I was working, but I haven't been. We'd been living pay check to pay check. Which really kinda sucks because I was counting on some of those checks coming in, you know?

I was going to wait until one of us found a job, and it was:

again, but so far that hasn't happened. I really didn't want to leave y'all hanging because, really, who knows how long it will be before things are on that uphill slide again?

So I decided to fake it for you. Who knows, maybe this will be good therapy for me and I'll leave happier too. If my posts have a little while between them, please just know that I'm running around trying to find a job and applying for government help in the mean time and will write again just as soon as I possibly can.

Another interesting thing that happened was that our wonderful government called me in to be a juror. I came home a few months ago (remember the WA trip?) and found my summons in the mountain of mail that awaited me at home. I was all like:

WHAT!? Jury duty? Again? I've already had:

1. County court
2. Traffic court
3. Family court

Now you want me for Federal (state) court?! To top it off, I had to serve in Florence, South Carolina. For those of you unfamiliar to my area, that is exactly 2 hours, 26 minutes/145.88 miles away from my house. Joy.

On November 16th I arrived to said courthouse promptly at 9:30am. I had high hopes that it would be like all my other jury experiences where I didn't really have to serve; I'd just show up and not get picked as a juror on any of the cases on the docket.

Fate had a different ending in mind. A beginning really. Only one trial was set to take place which meant only 14 jurors would be picked (12 and 2 alternates). I was sure I was going home. Four hours later, I was one of the few left standing which meant that I had been picked for the trial and would have to come back on Nov 30th when the trial would start.

I decided to look at this as an adventure. A new post for y'all. I began to be hopeful. Full of merriment and mirth. I was all:

A sense of excitement came over me, and I waited impatiently through the Thanksgiving holiday for the 30th to come.

I arrived at the courthouse nervous with anticipation. At the top of the elevator I was greeted and taken to the jury room. I immediately began to people watch. It's my favorite sport. The first thing I noticed is that only 13 people showed up so we were already down 1 juror.

Meet the jurors:

1. Mouth - She was an extremely loud lady who liked to over share. For example, she didn't bring any clothes with her. Our instructions clearly said to bring clothes just in case the trial went longer than one day. So she went to Goodwill and bought some. This wouldn't bother me except that means she didn't wash them. The worst part was her second trip to Goodwill because that time she "even bought boxers" because none of the underwear "was pretty". Think about that. Gross.

2. Teacher - The whole state to choose from and a teacher from my area also got picked. She was our 'hold out'. She stood by her beliefs a good long time until we wore her down and crushed her. Oh okay. Not really. I mean she did hold out a long time. We just worked out a good compromise.

3. Jaime - She was AWESOME. A new bff for me. She lives in Florence and was kind enough to let me stay at her house. I was going to have to drive home each night (you can stay in a hotel but you pay up front and the courts reimburse you later; not happening for me). She even let me have dinner with her family (husband and two adorable boys). She's smart and funny and truly the greatest all around.

4. Crazyolddude - The name fits. I wouldn't have wanted to be left alone with him. He kept giving me knowing looks and wagging his eyebrows. *shudder*

5. Readerman - Quiet man who gave me the names of several books I'll probably read. One day. Maybe.

6. Glassesman - Quiet. No real information. Possible serial killer?

7. Angela - Very nice blond lady who likes to occasionally speed.

8. Writerman - Little information available on this guy. He seemed nice enough. He liked to write everything on the large pad of paper provided to the jury.

9. Lispguy - I feel kinda bad naming this guy this name, but he did have a lisp. Unfortunately that's all I got on him.

10. Sleeper - This guy turned out to be our alternate. Probably because the judge noticed that he slept through most of the trial.

11. Trucker - Nice older man who was a trucker. He also seemed to know a lot about drugs. *raisedeyebrow*

12. Kim - Nice lady from Columbia, SC. She kept telling me, "You crazy." I took it in a nice way since she was smiling while she said it.

For any *coughidiot* wondering who juror 13 was, it was me. I would have drawn pictures of all these people for you but honestly that's just too much work. Sorry.

They brought us all into the courtroom and let us sit in the most squeaky chairs of all time. I'm still not sure how much about the case I'm allowed to talk about so I won't say too much. Just know that it was a cocaine/crack cocaine case for Mr. Man with lots of scary people testifying. And I will try to avoid the Marion/Mullins area in South Carolina from now on at all costs.

The trial lasted only two days. Then the judge was all:

And sent us away to decide. We couldn't come to an agreement so we ended up coming back for another day (Day 3/Final Day). 

It just so happens that at the end of that second day is also when I found out that Boi had been fired. The trial was no longer fun at that point, and I just wanted to get home to Boi who was pretty depressed.

On that last day, after much more deliberation, we found Mr. Man:
Count 1: Guilty of Drug Conspiracy (he seemed to be a 'do boy/runner' for his very scary drug lord cousin)
Count 2: Not Guilty of Possession with intent to distribute (we all thought the drugs belonged to the Other Man in the car with Mr. Man)

During the case, I drew pictures of the clerk of court, attorneys, and judge on the writing pads they provided for us to take notes on. I intended to scan them in and put them on here but realized they were not very flattering. I would hate for one of them to someday (when I'm very famous and people want to read everything I've ever written) see their pictures here. I wonder if the judge could hold me in contempt for drawing them? Better safe than sorry so no pictures.

PS - I wrote this all while jacked up on cough medicine. And I apologize to all the jurors for poking fun at them. Please know it was all in good fun and not meant as hateful if any of you ever happen to read this.