Burning Crayons

Cooking...ahhhhh...so not my strong point. Tonight I decided to make sugar cookies. From scratch. That's right ladies and gentlemen. I decided to cook for real.

I found a tasty sounding recipe online and went to work. I decided I was gonna be a regular Paula Deen (sounded good in my head). I started gathering the ingredients. My eggs say that they expired on Sept 24. So asked Boi if he thought they would still be good. He said absolutely not and that I should go buy more. Well, if I wanted to go out to buy something it would have been cookie dough. So I took a Paula Deen suggestion and cracked each egg open over individual bowls. Then I made Boi sniff them. Both didn't smell rotten so on I went.

I got out my Kitchen Aid (which I got for a wedding present and have never had an occasion to use it for [we've been married over 4 years]), that's how serious I was.
I creamed the butter and sugar together and carefully added the eggs and vanilla. This is going great I thought. Next in went the baking powder, salt, and flour.

As this point I looked across the room at Boi and declared that I'm going to start a web show. It's going to be about learning to cook with an adult that is learning to cook. Genius!

I read the next instructions and BOOM!! My bubble was burst. I'm supposed to let the mixture chill overnight in the fridge before cooking. Oh hell no.

So I pulled out my sheet pan (the oven was already preheated). I have another item in my kitchen that I've never used before that I decided to use: wax paper. I don't know what it's for or how I'm supposed to use it. I decided to line my sheet pan with it. So I scooped out measures of cookie dough (with an ice cream scoop like Alton Brown!) on the wax paper on my sheet pan. Boi decided to inform me that wax paper can't go in the oven. I carefully read over everything on the wax paper box...which didn't say anything at all about going in the oven. Phooey on Boi. He doesn't cook either. So I left the wax paper on the cookie sheet. I also put some Sweet Cinnamon Sprinkle topping (from Pampered Chef) on the top of half the cookies.

I popped them in the oven and set the timer. I cleaned up the mess I made leaving 30 seconds left of cooking time. Perfect! I'm a master at this. The timer beeped and I peeped in on the cookies. They didn't look done. So I pop a few more minutes on the clock and continue to wait patiently.
Waiting...waiting...

Me:  Boi, what do you smell?

Boi:  Umm....Christmas...and burning crayons.

So I quickly went and checked on my cookies which looked done. I pulled them out of the oven and slid the wax paper from the cookie sheet onto a cooling rack. It left a trail of stuff on the cookie sheet...

Me:  Boi...should the wax paper have left weird slightly black stuff on the cookie sheet?

Boi:  Yeah; if the wax melted leaving the paper naked and burning...

I'm pretty sure it had started to melt. But the cookies also came out looking kind of like biscuits. They taste...different. Now if I can just get Boi to try one...

Follow up:

My friend Cindy volunteered to eat my cookies :D I'll let you know if she gets sick/dead.