Gabe: My Pyrospouse

I just spent an hour trying to find a word that describes Gabe. I can’t find one. So I made one up.
Pyrospouse – Close friend that’s always there to get into trouble with you. This friend never blame-shifts and will sometimes go so far as to take on all the blame. This friend knows you better than you know yourself and is always there to help [you explode things].
My next story with Gabe needs to contain a disclaimer and warning.

WARNING: Do not try this anywhere with anything. We are not professionals or safe. We could have possibly died or worse.

DISCLAIMER: Any idiot that tries this themselves has been forewarned of the danger and has proceeded at their own risk. They were stupid, and this is not my fault.

One day (after the eyeball incident), Gabe came over to my house to play. She brought a brand new box of matches. Why? I don’t know. I don't think it had anything to do with my mentioned love of fire or obsession with watching a match burn almost all the way to my finger before extinguishing its glorious blaze. I probably hadn’t mentioned to her that I wasn’t allowed to even look at matches from age 8-22 because I had been found keeping a box in my bathroom (at age 8) that I used to burn individual matches just to watch them burn.
*side note* MOM: I promise that I was always (minus that one time) careful by running each individual match under a stream of water before throwing it away. As for that one time, I had no idea that a paper plate would burn so fast.

We started with just burning matches and then extinguishing them under running water. Then we burned them and put them out in a shot glass of water (made very nice sizzling sounds).

I asked Gabe if she had ever burned dry coffee creamer. She said she had not. So I put a pile on a paper plate in the kitchen sink and threw a match on it. It didn’t work the way I wanted it to (always before I had thrown it into a fire but that didn’t seem like a great idea in my house). So I built a tee pee of matchsticks on the creamer and used a lit match to set them all on fire. A little bit of spark but still not what I wanted. So I lit the paper plate on fire. Presto! Close enough.

Somehow though, this still wasn’t enough for us. I’m not sure of the exact steps or how we came up with this (I know there were more small things in between) but…here goes. We placed an empty paper towel roll ever so slightly in the garbage disposal drain (just enough to keep it steady). I quickly sprayed a TON of hairspray directly into the top opening of the roll and jumped back.

Fast like lightening Gabe lit and threw a match in the hole. BOOM! Very exciting for two pyros.

We repeated this for quite a while. Eventually I ran out of empty paper towel rolls and had to use empty toilet paper rolls. They just weren’t the same…

So The Boi came home (heehee…you see where this is going). Bad for Boi. Gabe and I lured him unsuspectingly into the kitchen. We set up out get up (using the last mainly unmangled paper towel tube) using our bodies as human shields against what we were doing. Spray, jump back, light match, throw, jump back, BOOM! Poor Boi never had a chance. He jumped 3 feet back and about 4 in the air. He swears to this day he pulled something.

We are still missing 1 match. It disappeared completely. Everything else was accounted for (we were actually pretty careful believe it or not). We’ve looked high and low but to no avail. There are little tiny pieces of burnt matches on the ceiling over my sink to this day though. Ah, I love my pyrospouse.